The 18 Funniest Kevin Quotes From The Office

The trick is to undercook the onions.

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Best Kevin Quotes From The Office

Kevin Malone, our favorite accounting oaf from The Office. Sometimes Kevin is a downright genius. However, most of the time he is making the word day harder through his incompetence. I don’t know why Jim Halpert gets the reputation of being the lovable slacker. Kevin definitely gets our vote!

Today we want to go over our favorite Kevin Malone quotes from The Office. If we missed any of your favorite quotes, let us know on social media. Enjoy!

The Best Kevin Malone Quotes

“At least once a year I like to bring in some of my ‘Kevin’s Famous Chili’. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I’m serious about this stuff. I’m up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own ancho chilis. It’s a recipe passed down from Malones for generations. It’s probably the thing I do best.” – Kevin Malone

“There are some people who have charm, and some people who don’t. Guess which type I am? Charm type.” – Kevin Malone

“I just want to like on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” – Kevin Malone


“Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick.” – Kevin Malone

“MMMMMMMM-ILF!” – Kevin Malone

“I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman’s gotta take off his cape.” – Kevin Malone

“Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?” – Kevin Malone

“I wanna be wined, and dined, and sixty-nine’d…metaphorically sixty-nined, ew, perverts!” – Kevin Malone

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“I have very little patience for stupidity.” – Kevin Malone

(About The Office Thermostat) “I always set it to 69.” – Kevin Malone

“I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket…in a blanket.” – Kevin Malone

“Hey. Right back at ya, bitch!” – Kevin Malone

“I’m totally gonna bang Holly. She’s cute and helpful and she really seems into me.” – Kevin Malone

“My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.” – Kevin Malone

“Nope, it’s not Ashton Kutcher, it’s Kevin Malone. Equally handsome. Equally smart.” – Kevin Malone


“I heard Angela’s party will have double fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge. Angela. Double fudge. Angela. Hmmm.” – Kevin Malone

“What an awesome party! The best wedding I’ve ever been to. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number.” – Kevin Malone

“Angela’s cats are cute, so cute that you just want to eat them, but you can’t eat cats. You can’t eat cats, Kevin.” – Kevin Malone

What Are Your Favorite Kevin Quotes From The Office?

We hope you enjoyed the list of our favorite Kevin Malone quotes from The Office! Did we miss any of your favorites? Let us know on social media!

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