About Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Napoleon Dynamite is a comedy film that was originally released on June 11th, 2004. The film was created by Jared and Jerusha Hess, and stars Jon Heder (Blades of Glory, The Benchwarmers), Jon Gries (Lost, Seinfeld), Aaron Ruell, Efren Ramirez (Employee Of the Month), Tina Majorino (Veronica Mars, Grey’s Anatomy), and Diedrich Bader (Bojack Horseman, American Housewife).
The movie centers around awkward teenager Napoleon Dynamite. He is a bullied outcast at school, and recently became one at home due to his aging-jock uncle coming to live with him. He also lives with his eccentric grandmother and 30-something slacker brother, Kip.
Napoleon and his friends Pedro and Deb face the typical fears of unaccepted high school kids. This includes getting dates to the school dance and running for class president. This offbeat comedy has grown a cult following in the eighteen years since its release.
I first saw Napoleon Dynamite on DVD when I was 16 or 17. The Hollywood Video by my house was going out of business, and I was able to pick up a copy on clearance. It has been one of my favorite comedy movies ever since. It’s hard to explain to me why I love Napoleon Dynamite so much. Even though it takes place in 2004 or 2005, it partially feels like a parody of 80s teen movies. At the same time, it has a style of its own.
Today I wanted to revisit the film by going over some of my favorite Napoleon Dynamite quotes and GIFs. This article is purely based around the 2004 film, and does not contain quotes from the Napoleon Dynamite animated series. Enjoy!
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The Best Napoleon Dynamite Quotes
1. “Nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.” – Napoleon
2. “Tina you fat lard come get some dinner!” – Napoleon
3. “Your mom goes to college.” – Kip
4. “We chat online for like, two hours a day, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.” – Kip
5. “Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.” – Kip
6. “Can you bring me my Chapstick? But my lips hurt real bad!” – Napoleon
7. “You’ve been ruining everyone’s lives and eating all our steak.” – Napoleon
8. “How much you wanna bet I could throw a football over them mountains?” – Uncle Rico
9. (How was school?) “The worst day of my life, what do you think?” – Napoleon
10. “Make yourself a dang quesadilla.” – Grandma
11. “We both know I’m training to become a cage fighter.” – Kip
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12. “Back in ’82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter-mile.” – Uncle Rico
13. Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon: A frickin’ 12-gauge what do you think?!
14. (To Deb) “I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that because you think you are fat? Because you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.” – Napoleon
15. “Do the chickens have large talons?” – Napoleon
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16. Deb: What’s a liger?
Napoleon: It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed, bred for its skills in magic.
17. “Stay home and eat all the frickin’ chips, Kip” – Napoleon
18. “After one week with me in my ojo, you’ll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.” – Rex
19. (to Pedro) “You have a sweet bike, and you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you’re like the only guy at school who has a mustache.” – Napoleon
20. “And here we have some boondoggle keychains, a must-have for this season’s fashion.” – Deb
21. “This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.” – Napoleon
22. “Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.” – Pedro
23. Napoleon: Who are you going to ask?
Pedro: That girl over there.
Napoleon: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you going to do that?
Pedro: Build her a cake or something.
24. “Coach would have put me in fourth quarter, we would have been state champions. No doubt.” – Uncle Rico
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25. “When I came home from school my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn’t do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a whole, but then I realized that it was my hair making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off.” – Pedro
26. “What the flip was grandma doing at the sand dunes?” – Napoleon
27. “At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times.” – Rex
28. “Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys?” – Rex
29. “Pedro offers you his protection.” – Napoleon
30. “Lafawnduh is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m 100% positive she’s my soul mate. Don’t worry Napoleon, I’m sure there’s a babe out there for you too.” – Kip
31. “If you vote for me, it’ll be summer all-year-round.’ – Summer Wheatley
32. “That little guy right there. He is nipple number five. A good dairy cow should have, like, four.” – Pedro
33. “It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done.” – Napoleon
34. “While you’re out there playing patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is making 120 bucks.” – Uncle Rico
35. “Look Pedro, I don’t know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho, we have a little something called pride. Understand? Smashing in the face of a pinata that resembles Summer Wheatley is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire Gem State.” – School Principal
36. “There’s like a boatload of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I’m pretty good with a bo staff.” – Napoleon
37. “Your Uncle Rico made it very clear how you feel about me. I don’t need herbal enhancers to feel good about myself, and if you’re so concerned about that, why don’t you try eating some yourself?” – Deb
38. “Napoleon, you know we can’t afford the fun pack. Take it back, and get some Pampers for you and your brother while you’re at it.” – Uncle Rico
39. “Just follow your heart, that’s what I do.” – Napoleon
40. “Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me now. Because my Uncle Rico is an idiot!” – Napoleon Dynamite
41. “Anyway, I think I’d be a great class president. So, who wants to eat chimichangas next year? Not me.” – Summer Wheatley
What Are Your Favorite Napoleon Dynamite Quotes?
We hope you enjoyed our list of the best Napoleon Dynamite quotes. Did we miss any of your favorites? Let us know on social media!