Bad Service: 18 Hilarious Waiting Quotes

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Funniest Waiting Quotes

About Waiting…

Waiting… is a workplace comedy film created by Rob McKittrick. It stars Ryan Reynolds, Anna Faris, Justin Long, and David Koechner. It is distributed by Lions Gate Films and was released on October 7th, 2005.

“Welcome to Shenaniganz, how many are in your party?” is likely not even how the hostess would greet us in the restaurant from the Waiting movie. I would anticipate something far more crass especially if Monty is running around being…well Monty. As someone who has worked in service, there are so many relatable banter points, games inside and outside the place of business, and interactions with peers and superiors that just rings the truth bell very loudly.

Whether you are a sarcastic jokester like Monty, an unprovoked knowledge dispenser like Bishop, a perpetual anger cauldron like Floyd, or a flip-switch like Naomi, you’re going to find some great laughs and if you’re lucky you’ll be able to answer confidently: What sets the ordinary apart from the extraordinary? Just that little extra *insert Ryan Reynolds wink face*

Today, we want to go over our favorite Waiting quotes. If we missed any of your favorites, let us know on social media!

RELATED: The 10 Best Ryan Reynolds Movies You Need To See

Waiting… Quotes

1. Bishop: Naomi, you know, if you ever want counseling in anger management or alcoholism, I’d be more than glad to do it for you.
Naomi: You’d do that for me? Thank you, I appreciate that, but I think I’d rather you just wash the fucking dishes and shut the fuck up. Fucking psychobabble bullshit asshole!

2. Monty: Everyone knows that I’m orally fixated and you can’t deny that I played your vagina like a violin.
Serena: As if that somehow negates the face that once we moved past foreplay you turned into the little engine that couldn’t hold its load.

3. Monty: You know, Tyla, every time I look at you I wish I was a lesbian.
Tyla: Oh, what a coincidence. Every time I look at you I’m glad I’m a lesbian.

4. Amy: I just don’t understand what would compel a person to be such a bitch to a total stranger.
Monty: Maybe she was abused as a child.
Amy: Oh God I fucking hope so.

5. Serena: The only real pleasure I ever got from having sex with you came from making fun of it later with my friends. Tell him, Amy.
Amy: It’s true, we laughed a lot at your expense.

6. Danielle: You just treat me like a piece of meat.
Raddimus: Not just any piece of meat, baby, a prime rib.

7. “Carpe deez nuts! God I can’t wait to quit this job.” – Floyd (Dane Cook)

8. “Chlamydia…I think I might name my daughter Chlamydia.” – Customer

9. “If you want to work here, in this restaurant, I really think you need to ask yourself one simple question: How do you feel about frontal male nudity?” – Monty (Ryan Reynolds)

10. “Ma’am, I don’t doubt the steak was overcooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?” – Dan (David Koechner)

11. “Mitch, I want you to do a couple things for me. First, I want you to observe very closely your surroundings today. Take everything in. Leave no stone unturned. Can you do that for me? Then I want you to think about what your life would be like if you had been born blind.” – Bishop

12. “Mitch, you picked a fucked up night to start working here.” – Monty

13. “There are few things in this world more unsettling than going in the back to grab some condiments and end up staring at a huge steaming pile of cock.” – Monty

14. “With women, it’s always one of two things. Either they won’t sleep with you, and then there’s really no reason to ever call them again, or they do sleep with you, and then there’s really no reason to ever call them again.” – Monty (Ryan Reynolds)

15. “You need to invent your own penis-showing game.” – Bishop

16. “You’re the coolest guy at Shenaniganz, big fucking deal. That’s like being the smartest person with own Syndrome.” – Mitch

17. “Dean, doesn’t my mom look old? I mean, like, much older than she rightfully should?” – Monty

18. “C’mon, mom, of course I’m being safe. I pull out.” – Monty

What Are Your Favorite Waiting Quotes?

We hope you enjoyed our list of the best Waiting quotes. Did we miss any of your favorites? Let us know on social media!

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