Crabman Cometh: The 17 Greatest Zoidberg Quotes From Futurama

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Best Zoidberg Quotes From Futurama

About Zoidberg From Futurama

When we think about American animated humor there is a shortlist I go to for undeniable laughs, and Matt Groening has been on there the longest. With some of his best work coming back into the fold, Futurama gives us so many characters and situations that are laugh riots. One character that constantly takes the humor hit is Doctor Zoidberg.

Doctor John A. Zoidberg is the company doctor for the Professor’s Planet Express. Although his working knowledge of human internals is suspect, his ability to hit the funny bone is undeniable. From believing human digestion is within the heart to believe we have a dorsal fin somewhere, Doctor Zoidberg will fix the problem after he fixes his knowledge of the problem area first.

If you believe laughter is the best medicine, then who is better than Doctor Zoidberg to administer it? Here is our collection of Zoidberg quotes!

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Best Dr. Zoidberg Quotes

1. Zoidberg: Why with all the crying? So THAT’S where I left my shell!
Leela: I didn’t know you could take this thing off.
Zoidberg: It was starting to get cramped in there so I molted, why not. Ahhh, the fresh air feels good *shakes body vigorously*
Professor: Stop doing that!
Zoidberg: So long, I’m off to toss this old shell in the dumpster and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn’t finish yesterday.
Amy: Those were toenail clippings.
Zoidberg: A feast is a feast!

2. “Why not Zoidberg?!” – Zoidberg

3. Fry: If you ask me, you shouldn’t care what other people think!
Leela: You’re right! I’ll start by not caring what you think. I’m getting the surgery.
*Room applauds Leela’s decision*
Zoidberg: Wonderful! And while you’re under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies.
Professor: That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard you imbecile! *stands up to swat Zoidberg with newspaper and gets inked*

4. Zoidberg: And that’s how I got my new shell! It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday and I found it in the same dumpster, but this one had a live racoon inside! *slurps* Pretty good story, eh Hermes?
Hermes: Speak to someone else you windy barnacle!

5. Leela: Thanks for coming out to get to know my boyfriend. Isn’t he dreamy?
Zoidberg: Totally *scarfs down food*
Bender: Coming through, watch your head!
Zoidberg: Help, I’m under attack! *Inks other members of table*
Adlai: It’s time to stop living this vida bachelor loca, settle down, have kids.
Leela: Oh Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. *gets inked from Zoidberg*


6. Event Salesman: Commemorative turkey basters, get your commemorative turkey basters!
Fry: Yo, hook me up! My turkey is dry and I’ve tried everything
*Fry checks wallet but has no money from paying the professor for a broken bottle*
Fry: Oh, right. Nevermind.
Zoidberg: Oh the guilt, the unbearable guilt!

7. Zoidberg: Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He’s a doctor, they’re very poor.
Leela: Actually, most doctors are rich.
*Zoidberg grabs Leela*
Zoidberg: What?! When did this happen?! You’re joking right? That’s not funny!

8. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams but you still have Zoidberg. You ALL still have Zoidberg!” – Zoidberg

9. Fry: Ah, it’s hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela’s heart and I’ll never, ever know what it was. My life is empty.
Zoidberg: Zoidberg.

10. “Did you see me escaping? I was all like Wuubabuubabuubuu.” Zoidberg

11. Zoidberg: At least we’ve got food.
Leela: Doctor Zoidberg, cut open that bag.
Zoidberg: Hooray!
Leela: And don’t eat it.

12. “Look at me, I’m Doctor Zoidberg, homeowner!” Zoidberg walking back to group in a hermit crab shell.

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13. Zoidberg: Now open that mouth and let’s have a look at that brain.
*Fry opens mouth*
Zoidberg: No, no, no, no, not that mouth.
Fry: I only have one.
Zoidberg: Really?
Fry: Uh, is there a human doctor around?
Zoidberg: Young lady, I’m an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it, and say biddledoodledoo.
Fry: Idda didda diddle da
: WHAT?! My mother was a saint! Get out!

14. Professor: Yes it’s a perfect scale model of the universe’s largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring.
Zoidberg: Ohhh!
*Professor grabs bottle from table as Zoidberg attempts to grab with claws*
For the last time Zoidberg, look with your eyes not your claws!

15. “Female Leela’s problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.” Zoidberg

16. Professor: I have gathered you all here in the accusing parlor because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker!
*Zoidberg makes a noise of exasperation*
I’m acting astonished!
Professor: Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own, Philip J. Fry!
Fry: What?! *uncrosses arms to reveal I hate bottles t-shirt*
Professor: Oh it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake: leaving this confession note!
Zoidberg: Fry, you scoundrel!
Fry: Well, I don’t remember any of that but I don’t have the wherewithal to defend myself.
Professor: Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials. Ten dollars.
*Zoidberg screams*
*Fry hands over money*
There you go.
Zoidberg: What have I done?!

17. Medical Alien: Are you ready to operate doctor?
Zoidberg: I’d love to but first I have to perform surgery. Ahahaha, I kid I kid.

Like I said, for you, only the best Zoidberg quotes!

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What Are Your Favorite Zoidberg Quotes?

Thank you for reading our collection of Zoidberg quotes! Were there any quotes you didn’t see from the good shellfish doctor? Let us know on social media!

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