Funny Jim Halpert Quotes
Jim Halpert, played by John Krasinski, is a fan-favorite character in The Office. While he is our lovable slacker, Jim has significant character development throughout the series. We get to see him settle down and start a family. He also builds himself an awesome career outside of Dunder Mifflin.
Here is our collection of the funniest Jim Halpert quotes from The Office. Enjoy!
1. “I ate a tuna sandwich on my first day, so then Andy started calling me ‘Big Tuna.’ I don’t think any of them know my real name.”
2. “Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”
3. “Actually I am in an office relationship. It’s special… She’s nice, she’s shy. She’s actually here if you wanna meet her.”
4. “I don’t have a lot of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight’s stationery. So from time to time, I send Dwight faxes… from himself… from the future.”
5. “I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything, and I… and I love her. I also love her very much.”
6. “My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.”
7. “I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.”
8. “When I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or…and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.”
9. “I had to put more and more nickels in his handset, so he would get used to the weight. Then one day… I took ‘em all out.”
10. “He has not stopped working… for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed, while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed. And I know that because he did that in an open soda bottle, under the desk, while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I’ve been so busy watching him that I haven’t even started work. It’s exhausting, being this vigilant. I’ll probably have to go home early today.”
11. “This is “parkour”, the internet sensation of 2004. It was in one of the Bond films. It’s pretty impressive. The point is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing parkour as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.”
12. “I mean I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, halfheartedly.”
13. “Last week, Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. And as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.”
14. “You’re looking at the master of leaving parties early.”
15. “Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?”
16. “One day, Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.”
17. “We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, we’d do stuff like.. uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… Pretendinitis.”
18. “Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.”
19. “I am a black belt in gift wrapping.”
20. “This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.”
21. “Oh so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So. I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure.”
22. “So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.”
23. “Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?”
What Do You Think?
I hope you enjoyed my list of Jim Halpert quotes. Were there any that I missed? Tell me your best Jim Halpert quotes on social media!