Comedy, Quotes, TV

WUPHF’n: 26 Hilarious Ryan Howard Quotes From The Office

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Ryan Howard is one of the few characters on The Office that you can call an antagonist. He is a pretentious womanizer who wants to make it big in the business world. He makes a lot of mistakes and has no problems screwing over the people that care about him. He doesn’t really have any redeeming qualities.

Ryan is played by B.J. Novak, who was also one of the writers and directors of the series. His hilarious take on this scumbag of a character is legendary. I loved the story arc of him moving to the top of the company by committing fraud, and the inevitable fallout that occurred afterward.

Today we want to go over home hilarious Ryan quotes from The Office. If we missed any of your favorites, let us know on social media. Enjoy!

Ryan Howard Quotes From The Office

“A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa, and my cousin Mufasa was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests, and we all took it really hard.” – Ryan Howard

“Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that, but you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.” – Ryan Howard

“Dwight will be missed, not by me so much, but he will be missed.” – Ryan Howard

“Do you ever think there’s gonna be this massive nuclear holocaust, and after all the major nations are destroyed, there’ll just be tribes in the jungles that rise up and survive?” – Ryan Howard

“I don’t wanna be like, ‘a guy’ here, you know? Like, Stanley is the crossword puzzle guy and Angela has cats. I don’t wanna have a thing here. You know, I don’t wanna be the ‘something guy’.” – Ryan Howard

“I got away with everything under the last boss and it wasn’t good for me, at all. So, I want guidance. I want leadership, but don’t just like, boss me around, you know? Like, lead me. Lead me when I’m in the mood to be led.” – Ryan Howard

“I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael’s pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.” – Ryan

“I’m in love with Kelly Kapoor, and I don’t know how I’m gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.” – Ryan Howard

via GIPHY

“I’m keeping a list of everyone who wrongs me. So when I’m back on top, they’ll be sorry. Kevin just made the list.” – Ryan Howard

“I’ve actually done a lot of market research and it actually turns out that southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie.” – Ryan Howard

“If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know I had ever been here, and I’d forget, too.” – Ryan Howard

“Jim’s been looking at me, kind of, a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it’s nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.” – Ryan Howard

“Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I’ve read some of it. Even for the Internet, it’s pretty shocking.” – Ryan Howard

“Little advice, take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels, James.” – Ryan, The Office

“We are now on a planet where Kevin is the most creative person around, and I am just some good-looking guy.” – Ryan Howard

via GIPHY

“People keep calling me a wunderkind. I don’t even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means. It means very successful for your age. So I guess it makes sense, but It’s a weird word.” – Ryan Howard

“Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. Therapists are whores. Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. I learn more from Dr. Seuss than from Dr. Freud.” – Ryan Howard

“Raw fish. The disgusting food from Japan that Americans would never want to eat. Now, we can’t get enough of it. From movie stars to construction workers, sushi is what’s for dinner. Let me throw another idea at you. Origami. What? The crazy art of paper folding from, that’s right, Japan. Don’t you wish you could go back to 1980 and open the first sushi restaurant in Manhattan? We can do that! With origami. It’s the sushi of paper.” – Ryan Howard

“Robert, you got your sheep and you got your black sheep, and I’m not even a sheep. I’m on the freaking moon.” – Ryan, The Office

“Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.” – Ryan Howard

via GIPHY

“The first lesson of Silicon Valley, actually, is that you only think about the user, the experience. You actually don’t think about the money, ever.” – Ryan Howard

“When I was five, my mom told me that my fish went to the hospital in the toilet and it never came back, so we had a funeral for it, and I remember thinking, ‘I’m a little too old for this,’ and I was five.” – Ryan Howard

“WUPHF is a site that I’m launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, WUPHF links up all your communication portals so you are always within reach. It’s part of the dog pack, as I call it.” – Ryan Howard

“I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s old job, which means at my ten-year high school reunion, it will not say, ‘Ryan Howard is a temp.’ It will say, ‘Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm.’ That’ll show them.” – Ryan Howard

“Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder-Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.” – Ryan Howard

“You know it’s a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight.” – Ryan Howard