I Don’t Care For GOB: Hilarious Lucille Bluth Quotes

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Funny Lucille Bluth Quotes

Lucille Bluth is the ultimate self-obsessed and negligent mother. Brilliantly played by Jessica Walter, Lucille pretends to care for her family, but really only cares about herself. She is an excellent alcoholic, and I word it like that because she is very good at it. Remember when she beat Kitty (Judy Greer) in a drinking contest before returning to rehab (SHES IN REHAB!).

Today we want to go over our favorite Lucille Bluth quotes. If we missed any of your favorites, let us know on social media. Enjoy!

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Funny Lucille Bluth Quotes

Gene Parmesean: Gene Parmesean, how you doing?
Lucille Bluth: OHH!! GENE!!

“Buster’s jaw clicks when he eats. I think it’s what’s driving his friends away.” – Lucille

“Look what the homosexuals have done to me.” – Lucille Bluth

Lucille Bluth: You can leave tomorrow after my going away party for Buster. I still can’t believe he’s going into the army. You know he’s doing it just to spite me.
Michael Bluth: Then why are you throwing him a party?
Lucille Bluth: Just to spite him.

“If I wanted something your thumb touched I’d eat the inside of your ear!” – Lucille Bluth

“He’s a beautiful boy. They don’t appreciate him. It’s his glasses. They make him look like a lizard. Plus, he’s self-conscious.” – Lucille Bluth

“I’ve done everything I can. I even tried to convince them he’s gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son.” – Lucille

“Your father, with his disgusting tweaking, I couldn’t breastfeed any of you kids because of that man!” – Lucille Bluth

Lucille: If you’re saying I play favorites you’re wrong. I love all my children equally.
Lucille (earlier): I don’t care for Gob.

“I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.” – Lucille Bluth

Lucille Bluth: I’ll have the Ike and Tina Tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille Bluth: I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.


“You’re the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth Frozen Banana. I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?” – Lucille Bluth

“I’ve been drinking since before you were born. So if alcohol is the reason I’m here, I’ve got news for you, bub. It’s the only reason you’re here too.” – Lucille

Lucille Bluth: Get me a vodka, rocks.
Michael Bluth: Mom it’s breakfast.
Lucille Bluth: …and a piece of toast.

“You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.” – Lucille

Lucille: I’ll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: You know there isn’t a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well this is why people hate hospitals.

“You’re the only child who chose a spouse I liked, and she’s the one who had to die.” – Lucille

Michael: Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.


“Let me tell you something, sweetie. We may pick on each other, get into little scrapes, call each other names and occasionally steal from each other… but that’s because we’re a family.” – Lucille Bluth

“She’d love to get at me any way she could. That’s why she’s been flirting with Gob. She’s trying to prove that she’s closer to my children than I am, but the joke’s on her, because she doesn’t know how little I care for Gob.” – Lucille Bluth

“She thinks I’m too critical. That’s another fault of hers.” – Lucille

Buster: Where’s my bed?
Lucille: I put it in storage. I guess you’ll just have to decide which Lucille you want to spend your night with.

“I don’t criticize you, and if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.” – Lucille

“Well, you must be mistaken, because I can’t see you, and you’re usually as hard to miss as Liberace wearing a fright wig.” – Lucille Bluth

What Are Your Favorite Lucille Bluth Quotes?

We hope you enjoyed our list of the best Lucille Bluth quotes. Did we miss any of your favorites? Let us know on social media!

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