Nikki Glaser’s 12 Best Jokes From The Roast Of Bruce Willis

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Nikki Glaser Roast Of Bruce Willis

About The Roast Of Bruce Willis

We all can agree that Die Hard is a Christmas movie but we really need to agree that it was Christmas come early when Comedy Central decided to do the Roast of Bruce Willis. On July 29, 2018, the man of the hour was subject to many great lines about his family, acting, and the devolution of his hair. Zed may be dead, but the humor here was anything but.

One of our favorite roasters, Nikki Glaser, kept the yule logs burning with her quick quips and her observation of the opulent entities at the event. She doesn’t miss a beat sending the Die Hard star off the Nakatomi Plaza while spilling great laughs instead of “Yippie Kay Yay-” and we don’t blame her. She also makes sure that the rest of the cast has a nice little Armageddon of their own, so gracious. Here are our favorite lines from her set.

RELATED: Nikki Glaser’s 11 Best Jokes From The Roast Of Rob Lowe

Nikki Glaser’s Best Jokes At The Bruce Willis Roast

1. (To Joseph Gordon Levitt) He’s so cute, so adorable. I bet you eat pussy but only with the crust cut off first. – Nikki Glaser

2. (To Martha Stewart) Martha Stewart, shank you for being here. – Nikki Glaser

3. (To Martha Stewart) Surprisingly, Martha said that prison food wasn’t that bad, just as long as it was clean-shaven. She loves attention to detail. – Nikki Glaser

4. (To Martha Stewart) My mom has learned everything from Martha Stewart about cooking and cleaning, and withholding affection. – Nikki Glaser

5. (To Dom Irrera) Dom Irrera, you sleepy potato. – Nikki Glaser

6. (To Dom Irrera) I love you, but how did you have a stroke on both sides of your face? – Nikki Glaser

7. (To Dennis Rodman) I first met Dennis just earlier tonight when he tried to sell me incense on the sidewalk. I don’t want any, okay? – Nikki Glaser

8. (To Edward Norton) He was so hot in Fight Club , right? When he was Brad Pitt. – Nikki Glaser

9. (To Edward Norton) Hey buddy. Ed looks to me like if a marionette became a boy, and then that boy became an asshole. – Nikki Glaser

10. (To Bruce Willis) This is a real big personal moment for me, to be here roasting my dead cousin’s second-favorite action star. – Nikki Glaser

11. (To Bruce Willis) You had an amazing action film career until Jason Statham started balding. – Nikki Glaser

12. (To Bruce Willis) A lot of people don’t know that Bruce is a very talented musician…because he isn’t. – Nikki Glaser

What Are Your Favorite Jokes From The Roast Of Bruce Willis?

Did Nikki tickle your funny bone at The Roast of Bruce Willis? Did we miss jokes you thought were better? Let us know on social media!

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